Today is the start of new beginnings: the start of my fourth egg collection. I have spent a lot of time over the last couple of months mentally resetting. Right now, I feel positive, hopeful and excited. I saw the lovely nurse at the clinic this morning for an ultrasound scan and the lining looks thin enough (1.7mm) to start . For an Asherman’s survivor having a thin lining fills you with FEAR, but today I’ll take it. Current IVF score after three rounds is: IVF 3 – Me 0. BRING ON ROUND 4.
I began stimulating this evening. For my first three rounds, I took Menopur (300iu in the first round and 450iu in the second and third rounds). This time we are going for the Rolls Royce of stimulation drugs: Bemfola. I will be taking the max dose: 450iu.
I am not squeamish and I’ve never had an issue with needles, so I don’t mind the injection phase – hats off to those of you who have fear of needles and still do this!! I was just thinking about all the odd places in which I have been “shooting up” throughout this process: work loo, random office medical room, a Pilates studio, a wedding (mid-speeches), hotels on work trips and the classiest place must have been the public toilet at Natural Kitchen (somehow it felt more virtuous than doing “it” at Gourmet Burger Kitchen). Sometimes I wonder if I could add to the “Other” section of my CV (or perhaps the dreaded “Interests” section): Highly skilled at self-administering subcutaneous injections in a calm, motivated and efficacious manner.
I started this blog back in January shortly after our second IVF-round had failed. As I’m sure you know if you’re reading this, the infertility journey has its ups and downs and some days, weeks, months are harder than others. After the second round, my heart was shattered and I couldn’t muster up the energy to write. Quite a lot has happened since January: I have had a few more tests done and completed our third IVF-round (a fresh cycle) in March and it was brutal for many reasons. That too failed and, truth be told, my heart was heavier than ever before. We are doing a second ERA now in May and a fourth egg collection round in June. I have no idea how that will go, but I’m ready to write again. So, here we go…
Recently, I’ve been trawling the World Wide Web reading fertility blogs more frequently than I have done in the past. My husband (let’s call him “H”) constantly reminds me to stay away from mumsnet and the like. While I agree with him that mumsnet doesn’t generally do my mental healthy any good, I just can’t seem to get enough of infertility blogs at the moment. I’m addicted to reading success stories – because they give me hope. When babies pop up right, left and centre and all you want is your own baby, it’s nice to know that you’re not the only one riding this [damn] rollercoaster, because more often than not this rollercoaster ride feels lonely.
Without sounding too religious here, I woke up this morning with an urge to write my own infertility blog. I have been writing as I go along in this process, but it is not until now that I decided to publish my thoughts. To be honest, I never thought I’d write one because I did not for a second think I’d have enough material to write one. Naively, I thought that by now, surely, I’d be busy changing nappies, complaining about sore nipples from breastfeeding and going to Gymboree classes instead of doctor’s appointments… But here I am, a good two and a bit years into this journey and I have no baby yet and I am not currently pregnant.